Typically I write about Simplifying life in the sense of the home environment and schedules. Sometimes, I like to write about Self-care as well. I can’t articulate it but I truly feel that Simplifying and Self-care go hand in hand.
After dropping the boys off to school, I was listening to Coldplay. Their song “Everglow” was playing. That song reminds me of my Mom. You see, my Mom passed on the evening of August 22nd. My husband, two boys, and I went to the Coldplay concert on the evening of August 20th. I struggled so much with whether to go to the concert or stay by my Mom’s side. I am an only child. I have fought my entire life against the stereo-type of being spoiled and selfish yet my whole family had been looking forward to this concert for MONTHS. This was to be my youngest son’s first concert. This was to be a family experience. My Mom was transitioning. I was emotionally exhausted but I didn’t want to leaver her. I wanted to be by her side when she left this world. I was being pulled between my hearts that were living and my heart that was dying.
Music nurtures my soul. Music helps release stuck emotions. Lyrics put words to feelings. I feel the bass in my heart and soul. I can escape but at the same time be present.
My soul sister and I were talking on the phone and she said to me, “Seeking pleasure during an emotionally difficult time is not a bad thing. This is Self-care.” After I had confirmation from the hospice nurse that yes, Mom was on her way but it would most likely not be that night. I decided I was going. I had brought my things with me to my Mom’s and drove separately from my family so I could leave at the latest moment possible. I whispered to my Mom that we were going to see Coldplay, how excited D was and that I wouldn’t be too far away. I would be back the next morning. I know in every fiber of my body that she wanted us to go. Her husband and my Aunt knew to call if there was any drastic change and I would get there ASAP. I likened it to going home for the night. It’s just that “home” for that night was 1 1/2 hours away instead of 20 minutes.
The whole drive to Pasadena, I listened to their music. Old songs, new songs. Songs that made me smile, songs that made me cry. It was so therapeutic. I was able to break free from the intensity for just a few hours.
When I arrived, the boys were waiting for me to go get dinner. We ate, we talked, we hugged, we laughed, we walked, we held hands, we waited in line, we rode on a bus, we snuggled, we waited in line again, we finally got to our seats. We were together. Unplugged. Focused on the same thing. Experiencing an experience together. Connecting. My heart was breaking at the same time it was filling up. My God, how we needed this at this time more than ever. All of our cups had been drained over the summer. This helped nourish all of our souls at a time that our souls were feeling quite tender.
That concert was somewhat of a spiritual experience as well. I literally felt the music through my heart, body and soul. Their current album feels like a celebration of life to me. The symbol of their album is The Flower of Life. I wanted to celebrate my Mom and being there seemed very apropos.
So, yeah, my Mom was dying and I went to a concert. I think it was Mom approved:)
Oh, and, Mom, I want you to know that your light will “Everglow.”.